Funerals have been a huge additional cause of grief and pain during the pandemic.  The loss of one’s nearest and dearest is a terrible burden to bear at any time.  But in the last 14 months, our experience of grief has been intensified and exacerbated because of the Covid restrictions which impact funerals.

Everything has been turned upside down by the pandemic when arranging a funeral.  The initial visit to offer support and comfort to grieving relatives has had to be adjusted into phone calls and emails which don’t offer the same level of support as the reassuring comfort of human presence and touch.  There is less opportunity for the minister to discover the background and circumstances of the loved one and hear the story of their life – a meeting which would often be accompanied by a restorative cup of tea on a funeral visit in more usual times. 

The funeral service itself has felt particularly stark without the opportunity to sing hymns.  We cannot benefit from that sense of releasing our pent-up energy and emotion which singing may provide.  Services have been kept short in order to lessen the risk to mourners.  The spatial distancing among the congregation, grouped in small household units on alternate rows, has also contributed to a sense of isolation. This was most notably illustrated recently by the sight of HM The Queen sitting alone at the end of the choirstalls in Windsor Chapel for her husband’s funeral.  

The number of mourners allowed to attend funeral services has been severely restricted, at times limited in the past year only to six.  As a result, many people have been deprived of the chance to find closure in their final farewell at the funeral, or to meet up after the service with other friends and family to find mutual comfort and support in shared memories.  One unexpected consequence of this restriction has been the reappearance of a long-standing custom from previous decades.  In the past, mourners would line the road to pay respect to the coffin as it was transported from the home of the grieving family to the funeral service and final place of rest.  This tradition had the benefit of making the funeral more of a community event as well as an occasion of public significance.   It has been adopted again during the Covid months as a poignant way of allowing neighbours and friends to show their support for the grieving family when they are unable to enter the building for the service.  Fortunately, from this week there is no specific quota on the number of people who may attend the service, providing the building can safely accommodate the congregation.

In conclusion, my thoughts turn to the funeral poem written by Joyce Grenfell which picks up on the comfort of singing - she couldn’t have foreseen the current ban on singing in services but she certainly understood the pain of parting. 

If I Should Go - Joyce Grenfell (1910-1979)

If I should go before the rest of you 

Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone 

Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice 

But be the usual selves that I have known 

Weep if you must 

Parting is hell 

But life goes on 

So sing as well.

Sarah Bourne, Chaplain for the Arts – 5^th May 2021             sarahbourne@banburystmary.org.uk